State Elections Commission Smashes Boredom Records in Marathon Virtual Meeting
HARTFORD, CT—In an astonishing display of civic duty and marathon-level endurance, the Connecticut State Elections Enforcement Commission (SEEC) held a virtual meeting on August 21, 2024, that has already been heralded as a landmark event in the history of public administration—at least by those who managed to stay awake through the entire thing.
Chaired by Steve Penny, the meeting, which was conducted via WebEx and streamed live on Facebook, covered an exhaustive list of agenda items, including campaign grant approvals, complaint dismissals, and procedural minutiae that would test the patience of even the most ardent fan of governmental processes. The meeting, which set a new world record for the number of collective yawns, was described by attendees as “an experience.”
A Titanic Struggle Over Campaign Grant Approvals
The meeting’s first major order of business was the approval of campaign grants, a process that was as thrilling as it was predictable. Chairman Penny, bringing his usual zest, announced the details of each candidate’s qualifying contributions, ensuring that no scintillating detail was left out.
- Maria Hahn (House District 5): Hahn’s committee raised 216 contributions totaling $6,883, of which 155 contributions amounting to $6,143 qualified under the SEEC’s rules. “Is there a motion to approve the grant?” Penny asked, with a level of excitement usually reserved for reading terms and conditions. The motion passed unanimously, setting the tone for equally gripping approvals.
- Steve Meskers (House District 150): Meskers’ application, boasting 186 contributions totaling $7,330, was next in line. With 150 qualifying contributions valued at $6,120, the grant was approved without a voice raised in opposition. “The committee has met the threshold and is recommended for grant approval,” Penny proclaimed as the Commissioners valiantly fought to suppress their yawns.
- Amy Berger-Girallo (House District 111): Berger-Girallo’s committee, having raised 186 contributions totaling $6,315 (with 158 qualifying), received the SEEC’s blessing. The motion passed with all the enthusiasm of a group that had already resigned itself to the inevitability of it all.
Other candidates who survived the gauntlet of paperwork and approval included Liz Linehan (House District 103), John Piscopo (House District 76), and Gregory Howard (House District 43). Each approval was met with an appropriate amount of silence and unanimous nodding.
The High Drama of Procedural Continuations
Not every candidate’s dream came true, however. Some applications were not ready for the green light, resulting in a suspenseful series of continuations.
- Alphonse Pallilo and Anisk Howish: These candidates found their grant applications continued without prejudice, as they had not yet met the necessary qualifying thresholds. “These committees have not yet met the threshold and need to be continued,” explained Salman Meniere, Director of the Audit and Discovery Unit, with all the solemnity of someone announcing a rain delay at a minor league baseball game. The motion to continue passed, leaving these candidates in the twilight zone of bureaucratic purgatory.
Complaint Dismissals: Justice at Glacial Speed
Next up were the complaints, which were handled with the kind of efficiency typically associated with DMV waiting lines. The SEEC took a firm stand on a series of complaints, some of which had the potential to keep even the dullest dinner party conversations going for hours.
- File No. 2023-037: This complaint, which alleged that the “Lauren for Hamden” campaign had used the town’s Facebook page to promote its candidate, was dismissed after it turned out that, shockingly, no such links existed. Attorney William Smith reported that “the allegations were not supported by the facts,” leading to a swift and unsurprising dismissal. The Commission’s vote was unanimous, because what else would it be?
- File No. 2023-044: In a case involving Arunan Arulapalam’s campaign, it was alleged that the candidate’s direct mail piece improperly benefited other candidates. However, after a thorough investigation involving the cutting-edge technique of actually looking at the mailer, it was determined that the benefits to the other candidates were merely incidental. “This matter is recommended for dismissal,” Smith said, and the Commission, as predictably as a sunrise, complied.
- File No. 2022-064: A potential double-voting scandal out of Litchfield was also laid to rest. The investigation revealed that the issue was likely due to a simple clerical error involving two people with the same last name at the same address. The SEEC, not one to let a good conspiracy theory gain traction, dismissed the complaint with all three Commissioners in favor.
An Exciting Referral to the Chief State’s Attorney
Not every complaint ended in dismissal. In a rare moment of actual tension, the SEEC voted to refer File No. 2023-049 to the Chief State’s Attorney for further investigation. The case, involving allegations from Denise Solano of Bridgeport, suggested potential criminal violations related to election law. “We recommend that this matter be referred for consultation with the Office of the Chief State’s Attorney,” Attorney Smith announced, sending a jolt of excitement through the virtual room. The motion was passed, marking the first time all meeting that someone in the audience might have leaned forward in their seat.
Administrative Reports and the March of Time
The meeting also included a riveting report from the Director of Legal Services, who reminded everyone that the deadline for grant applications was fast approaching. “We are coming up on our August 26 deadline at 5 o’clock, and we expect a major flood of applications in the next few days,” he said, with the kind of weary anticipation usually reserved for seasonal tax accountants.
The minutes from the previous meetings on August 7 and August 14 were approved without amendments, as if anyone had the energy to dispute them.
Final Curtain: Setting the Date for the Next Thrill-Fest
Before anyone could make a run for the nearest coffee pot, the SEEC scheduled its next meeting for August 28, 2024, at 3:30 p.m. Chairman Penny, always a master of the dramatic close, called for adjournment. “Is there a motion to adjourn?” he asked, to which the Commissioners responded with the kind of unanimous enthusiasm typically seen in those eager to escape a particularly tedious dinner party.
A Special Thanks to Our Sponsor: Farmington Storage
This epic meeting recap is brought to you by Farmington Storage, your local storage solution in Farmington, CT. Conveniently located at 155 Scott Swamp Road, Farmington Storage is there to hold your excess belongings, should they become too much to bear—much like the SEEC meeting. Call them today at 860.777.4001. Trust us, they’ll appreciate your enthusiasm more than the SEEC Commissioners.
For those brave souls who missed the live stream, the entire meeting is available for on-demand viewing on the SEEC’s Facebook page. Viewer discretion is advised, as prolonged exposure to this content may induce drowsiness.
-JB-
