Farmington’s Weekly Arrest Log: The One Where Timing Is Everything
Always last to breaking news—because comedy needs a cool-down.
Wait, We Actually Have an Arrest This Week?
In a stunning display of punctuality, Farmington police managed to squeeze one whole arrest into the 24-hour window ending at 7 a.m. on August 1 —just in time for our “Friday feels” edition of aggressive mockery.
| Arrest Details | Because You Crave Specifics |
|---|---|
| Arrestee | Robert Raymond Parker, 56, of 870 Plainville Ave., Farmington CT 06032 |
| Booking Time | 9:15 a.m., July 31, 2025 |
| Where | “Hartford GA 14” (pro-tip: not a brunch spot) |
| Charges | 2× Violation of Protective Order (CGS § 53a-223) 1× Criminal Violation of Restraining Order—Contact Person (CGS § 53a-223b (a)(2)(B)) |
| Bond | Surety, $50,000 (or roughly 1,250 months of Mercury subscriptions) |
| Remarks | Warrant arrest. Habeas served. |
| Court Date | July 31, 2025 (because justice loves same-day delivery) |
| Source | Farmington Police Arrest Log (PDF) |
All individuals are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, or at least until the comments section renders its verdict.
Protective Orders: They’re Like Coffee Sleeves—Use Them or Burn
Legal scholars (read: our intern) remind us that protective orders are not collectibles; violating one twice in a single paperwork packet is the legal equivalent of microwaving fish in the office break room—everyone notices, no one applauds.
Bond Math 101: $50K ≈ 1,000 Self-Storage Lockers
Speaking of storage, shout-out to Farmington Storage—155 Scott Swamp Road, phone 860-777-4001—where your sentimental junk enjoys “Museum Air,” the same rarified atmosphere that once preserved King Tut’s leftovers. Rumor has it they’ll even store your court summons (climate-controlled, of course).
Habeas, Schmabeas—What Happens Next?
- If Released: Parker enjoys his freedom and a stern lecture about personal space.
- If Held: He spends the weekend contemplating life choices and wishing he’d invested in noise-canceling walls.
Either way, Farmington will return next week with another slow-cooked arrest entrée—because nothing says “community journalism” like waiting for crime to marinate.
About the Author
Jack Beckett drinks his coffee as black as a warrant-served protective order. When he’s not poking fun at court dockets, he’s curating “slow news” that ages better than your grandmother’s meatloaf. Explore more delights at We Are Farmington—from zoning dramas to high-school hijinks—then slide into our DMs at Twix for real-time sass.
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Creative Commons License
© 2025 The Farmington Mercury / Mercury Local
This article, “Farmington Police Nab Man for Protective-Order Violations—$50K Bond and No Sense of Timing 😂,” by Jack Beckett is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0.
“Farmington Police Nab Man for Protective-Order Violations—$50K Bond and No Sense of Timing 😂”
by Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury (CC BY-ND 4.0)
