Bearly Believable: Town Officials Issue Stern Warning Amidst Rise in Bear Sightings

FARMINGTON, CT—In what can only be described as the most thrilling wildlife event of the season, a surging bear population has overrun Farmington, prompting town officials to issue a wildlife ordinance that sounds suspiciously like common sense.

Residents are being called to arms (metaphorically) against these furry marauders by following a list of guidelines so straightforward that even a bear could understand them. Town officials insist that residents can help keep themselves and our local bears safe by taking these precautions, though we suspect the bears might have other plans.

Bear Essentials: How to Live in Harmony (or at Least Avoid a Pawful Encounter)

1. Don’t Feed the Bears: It seems obvious, right? Yet here we are. Feeding bears is a surefire way to turn your backyard into a wildlife diner. Let’s not do that.
2. Bird Feeder Lockdown: By late March, it’s time to retire your bird feeders until late fall. Imagine sending your birdseed on a luxurious vacation inside a locked garage. Bears can’t book a stay there.
3. Garbage Security: Keep trash in secure, airtight containers inside a garage or other bear-proof enclosure. Enhance your trash’s unappetizing appeal with a dash of ammonia. Don’t roll out the trash buffet the night before pickup for best results.
4. Recycle Right: Bears have a keen nose for recyclables. Keep these items off porches and screened sunrooms unless you’re willing to replace those screens regularly.
5. Grill Thrills: A bear’s idea of a five-star meal? Your greasy grill. Please clean it up and store it inside when not in use. Your guests will thank you, and so will the bears (by not visiting).
6. Pet Patrol: Supervise dogs at all times when outside. Bear encounters can turn a regular walk into an impromptu circus. Keep Fido on a short leash, and everyone will be happier.
7. Pet Food Protocol: Feeding pets outside is like ringing the dinner bell for bears. Keep pet food indoors, and avoid giving your neighborhood bear the wrong idea.
8. Electric Fencing FTW: Protect chickens, livestock, and beehives with electric fencing. Bears might be curious, but they’re not fond of a shocking surprise.
9. Compost Carefully: Meat scraps and sweet foods in your compost are an open invitation for bears. Stick to less fragrant compost materials to save yourself a surprise visit.

The official documentation provided by the town provides more specific (and undoubtedly riveting) details on Farmington’s Wildlife Feeding Code.

A Grateful Paws

We extend our heartfelt thanks to our sponsor, Farmington Storage. Located at 155 Scott Swamp Road, Farmington Storage is your go-to solution for safely stashing items you don’t want bears to get their paws on. Reach them at 860.777.4001 and say goodbye to bear-induced anxiety.

Remember, folks, with a bit of cooperation and a lot of ammonia, we can coexist peacefully with our four-legged neighbors. Happy bear-proofing, Farmington!

-JB-