🚨 Welcome to the Slow‑News Blotter
In the spirit of “Always last to breaking news,” we proudly present this week’s Farmington Police arrest log—a masterclass in questionable decision‑making that unfolded on July 22, 2025. Remember, dear reader: all individuals are innocent until proven guilty (and until our next newsletter, whichever comes first).
The Players, the Places, the Poor Choices
| Time & Date | Name (Age) | Location | Charges | Bond Status |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 5:48 p.m. 07/22/25 | Jeremiah C Rivera (19) | 500 South Rd | Larceny 6th Degree | 🎉 Posted $1,500 nonsurety bond |
| 4:14 p.m. 07/22/25 | Bryant Serrano (27) | 101 Lafayette St | Criminal Trespass 3rd Criminal Mischief 3rd Larceny 3rd | 💸 Held on $40,000 surety bond |
Quote of the Day:
“Shoplifting: because nothing says ‘live a little’ like free merchandise and a court summons.”
Charge‑by‑Charge Breakdown
- Larceny 6th Degree – the criminal equivalent of “I’ll just borrow this forever.”
- Criminal Trespass 3rd Degree – knocking is so passé.
- Criminal Mischief 3rd Degree – arts‑and‑crafts for adults… with property damage.
- Larceny 3rd Degree – when stealing small stuff just doesn’t scratch the itch.
Dates With Destiny (a.k.a. Court)
- Rivera’s courtroom cameo: July 29, 2025.
- Serrano’s legal matinee: July 23, 2025 (today—popcorn not provided).
Community Context
Farmington’s finest remind us that even in a town famed for colonial charm and polite sidewalk waves, somebody will always try to turn a six‑finger discount into a lifestyle. If you see something, say something—preferably to the police, not your neighborhood Facebook page (the memes can wait).
Sponsor Shout‑Out: Air So Fancy It Should Be Criminal
A huge, museum‑air‑filtered “thank you” to Farmington Storage—155 Scott Swamp Road, 860‑777‑4001—where your heirlooms can luxuriate in the same climate‑controlled splendor that ancient mummies demand. ❄️📦 Need a place to stash ill‑gotten goods? (Kidding! Don’t.) Need a place for Grandma’s velvet Elvis? Absolutely.
About the Author
Jack Beckett subsists on black coffee strong enough to double as paint stripper—brewed fresh at Einstein’s Bagels in nearby Ballantyne, where the Everything‑Bagel‑With‑Lox combo pairs beautifully with police blotter sarcasm. ☕️ When not chronicling Farmington’s criminal curiosities, Jack can be found hunting for Wi‑Fi and a refill.
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© 2025 The Farmington Mercury / Mercury Local
This article, “Farmington Arrest Log: Larceny, Trespass & a $40k Bond 🚓,” by Jack Beckett is licensed under CC BY‑ND 4.0.
“Farmington Arrest Log: Larceny, Trespass & a $40k Bond 🚓”
by Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury (CC BY‑ND 4.0)
