Farmington Arrests: The Weekly Rundown of Bad Life Choices
By Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury (Proudly Always Last to Breaking News™)
As February made a swift exit and March crept in with the silent menace of an overdue tax bill, the Farmington Police Department was hard at work, ensuring that justice—and questionable decision-making—remained alive and well in our humble town. The latest arrest log reads like the script of a particularly underfunded crime drama, featuring an ensemble cast of larcenous duos, intoxicated drivers, and a few people who just couldn’t keep their tempers in check.
Before we dive into the thrilling world of sixth-degree larceny and DUI recidivism, let’s pause for a moment to remind everyone that all suspects are innocent until proven guilty—even the ones who make it really, really difficult to assume innocence.
Scene One: The Retail Reckoning (A.K.A. A Shoplifting Caper Gone Wrong)
📍 500 South Road, March 2, 2025, 5:19 PM
Two Hartford residents, Cristel Campbell (35) and Kimone Swabbs (28), found themselves in matching legal trouble when they were arrested for conspiracy to commit sixth-degree larceny. That’s right—shoplifting. Not grand larceny, not a daring heist involving lasers and a priceless diamond, but good old-fashioned sixth-degree larceny, which is basically the misdemeanor equivalent of stealing office pens.
Bond was set at $2,500, but both suspects posted it, meaning they can resume their regularly scheduled activities, which we can only assume include better planning next time.
Scene Two: The Perils of Multi-Tasking (D.U.I. + Firearms = No Bueno)
📍 Route 4, March 2, 2025, 2:52 AM
Farmington PD encountered Raymond Ortiz (41) of Windsor, CT, in what can only be described as a spectacularly bad decision trifecta:
1️⃣ Driving Under the Influence
2️⃣ Illegal Possession of a Firearm While Under the Influence
3️⃣ Getting Caught Doing Both of the Above
Nothing quite says “I’ve got this under control” like carrying a firearm while allegedly intoxicated. Bond was set at $2,500, which he paid—hopefully before calling an Uber instead of driving home.
Scene Three: Disorder in the Court (Well, In Farmington, At Least)
📍 277 Main Street, March 1, 2025, 10:10 PM
Nicholas Kruszniewski (22) of Farmington apparently had a bit too much fun before being arrested for disorderly conduct. What exactly happened? The arrest log doesn’t say, but given that it took place on Main Street, we can safely assume it involved either a bar, a public argument, or a deeply regrettable attempt at karaoke.
Bond was posted at $5,000—perhaps the priciest cover charge in town that night.
Scene Four: The Repeating Offender (Double Trouble DUI Edition)
📍 Farmington Ave/Devonwood Dr, March 1, 2025, 2:51 AM
Another driver, Shadique Monroe (28) of East Hartford, was arrested for his second DUI offense. To really drive home his commitment to poor choices, he also resisted arrest.
Bond was a hefty $10,000, proving once again that bad decisions aren’t just costly to your reputation but to your wallet, too.
Scene Five: Shopping Spree of a Different Kind (Disorderly Conduct at 500 South Road)
📍 500 South Road, February 28, 2025, 1:49 PM
The final contestant in this week’s “Why Am I Here?” sweepstakes is Kristin Stadelman (37) of Torrington, arrested for disorderly conduct at—you guessed it—500 South Road. That makes this the second arrest at this location in just a few days. If you’re keeping track, that means 500 South Road is officially Farmington’s unofficial bad decision hotspot.
Stadelman’s bond was set at $1,500, which she paid before (hopefully) reflecting on her life choices.
Final Thoughts: Crime Doesn’t Pay, But Bail Bonds Sure Do
And there you have it—another week of legally questionable decision-making in the town of Farmington. From alleged shoplifting to disorderly conduct, DUI arrests to firearm charges, it seems that some people just couldn’t resist adding a little extra excitement to their week.
And remember, all of this valuable public service journalism is made possible by our esteemed sponsor, Farmington Storage, located at 155 Scott Swamp Road. Whether you need a place to stash your belongings while reconsidering your life choices, or simply appreciate the finer things in life—like museum-quality air in a storage unit—Farmington Storage is there for you. Call them at 860-777-4001, and tell them The Farmington Mercury sent you. (They may or may not pretend not to know us.)
🔎 Want to dive deeper into Farmington’s law enforcement happenings? Check out our coverage here.
💬 Questions, tips, or crime-related haikus? Reach out to us at The Farmington Mercury.
About the Author: Jack Beckett (Powered by Coffee & Regret ☕️)
Jack Beckett is the Farmington Mercury’s resident writer, crime reporter, and unofficial town cynic. He spends most of his time analyzing local misadventures, avoiding speeding tickets, and consuming caffeine at an alarming rate.
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