Always last… to breaking news. 🐢
Farmington CD‑Grade Crime Wave Crashes Into C‑Minus Tuesday
Farmington residents awoke today to discover that, yes, people are still getting arrested even in a town famous for its polite sidewalks and aggressively mediocre bagels. Below, a full accounting of the weekend’s headliners—because we may be slow, but our arrest log jokes are artisanal.
Important Reminder: Everyone listed is presumed innocent until proven guilty. Courtrooms, not snarky newsletters, decide fates. We just provide the vibe.
🚓 1. David Martin Fournier, 64, “Keeps Things Interesting on Bliss Memorial Road”
- Arrested: June 15, 2025 at 7:01 p.m.
- Address: 16 Bliss Memorial Rd, Unionville
- Charges:
- Criminal Mischief 3rd Degree (one count)
- Breach of Peace 2nd Degree (one count)
- Bond: Nonsurety $2,500
- Court Date: June 24, 2025
- Police Note: “Disorderly conduct arrest. Released on bond.”
If you thought “Bliss” implied tranquility, Fournier’s weekend performance says otherwise. Neighbors report the sound of “creative remodeling” around dinnertime. Furniture? Feelings? The jury’s out.
🚓 2 & 3. Shahri Holmes, 44, “Failure to Appear—but Twice as Nice”
- Arrested: June 15, 2025 at 6:30 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. (Collectors, rejoice: two incident numbers for the price of one.)
- Address: 35 Fenwick Dr, Farmington
- Location: 319 New Britain Ave
- Charge: Failure to Appear 1st Degree (one count per arrest)
- Bond: Surety $10,000 (each time)
- Court Date: June 16, 2025
- Police Note: Re‑arrest warrants served; held on bond.
Holmes allegedly skipped court once, then—apparently deciding déjà vu is underrated—bagged a second warrant half an hour later. Efficiency? Maybe. Commitment? Definitely.
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Why We’re “Always Last”
Sure, the rest of Connecticut splashes mugshots across social at 2 a.m. We prefer a slower brew—aging facts in oak barrels until they mature into context. Also, we had brunch.
What Happens Next?
- Court Dates: Fournier — June 24; Holmes — June 16.
- Possible Outcomes: Dismissals, plea deals, or the thrilling sequel “Arrest Log II: Return of the Clerical Error.”
- Community Impact: Mild gossip uptick and at least three Nextdoor posts beginning with “So this just happened…”
Stay tuned (slowly). We’ll be back after the verdicts cool down, or whenever we find our keys—whichever is later.
About the Author
Jack Beckett writes crime blurbs between sips of gas‑station coffee he swears is “single‑origin.” When not spelunking in police blotters, he’s extolling the virtues of industrial‑strength caffeine…and wondering if Farmington Storage rents workspace inside that sweet museum air.
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Creative Commons License
© 2025 The Farmington Mercury / Mercury Local
This article, “🐌 Farmington Arrest Log Arrives Fashionably Late—Just How We Like It,” by Jack Beckett is licensed under CC BY‑ND 4.0.
“🐌 Farmington Arrest Log Arrives Fashionably Late—Just How We Like It”
by Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury (CC BY‑ND 4.0)
