The Farmington Arrest Chronicles: Where Even Petty Crime Gets the Spotlight
In a town where the most exciting thing is deciding whether to get ice cream at Dunkin’ or Starbucks, we now bring you the latest and greatest from the Farmington Police Department鈥檚 arrest log. Our tiny corner of Connecticut might not make the national news, but we’ve got you covered when it comes to keeping track of local misdemeanors. Let’s dive into the riveting details of the recent arrests鈥攂ecause nothing says Farmington like a detailed recounting of low-stakes criminal activity.
Kyler Fausel: The $5,000 Heist That Wasn鈥檛
On the evening of August 20, 2024, at precisely 9:57 PM, 37-year-old Kyler A. Fausel of Glastonbury, CT, found himself at the wrong end of a pair of handcuffs on New Britain Avenue, Farmington. Charged with fifth-degree larceny, Kyler鈥檚 escapade wasn鈥檛 precisely Ocean鈥檚 Eleven material. This was a warrant arrest鈥攎eaning our hero鈥檚 criminal brilliance had already caught up with him before he even made it to New Britain Avenue.
Kyler was fortunate enough to post his $5,000 surety bond, so instead of spending a night in the slammer, he鈥檒l eagerly await his court date on August 28, 2024. What was the big score? The arrest log doesn鈥檛 say, but we鈥檙e betting it wasn鈥檛 worth the trouble. Perhaps a pack of gum, or maybe even a novelty mug? Stay tuned for the trial, folks鈥攊t鈥檚 bound to be a blockbuster.
Abdoul Karim Kabeya: Bliss No More on Bliss Memorial Road
Earlier that evening, at 8:35 PM, the tranquility of Bliss Memorial Road was shattered when 21-year-old Abdoul Karim Kabeya, a resident of 7 Bliss Memorial Road, Apt. 3, Farmington, CT, was arrested for bringing disorder to this otherwise peaceful corner of town. Abdoul didn鈥檛 stop there; he was also slapped with a charge of fourth-degree sexual assault because why settle for one charge when you can have two?
With a $10,000 non-surety bond, Abdoul quickly returned to the streets after posting bail. His court date is set for August 27, 2024鈥攎ark the date if you鈥檙e keen to witness the intersection of disorder and justice. We鈥檙e guessing the neighbors on Bliss Memorial Road are hoping for less excitement moving forward.
Destiny Allison Ramos: Joyriding, Farmington-Style
At 10:31 AM on the same day, 20-year-old Destiny Allison Ramos of Bristol, CT, found herself in a pickle on West Main Street, Farmington. Destiny, residing at 28 Alder Street, Bristol, was arrested for using a motor vehicle without permission鈥攁.k.a. joyriding without the joy鈥攁nd sixth-degree larceny. She allegedly borrowed (read: took without asking) someone鈥檚 wheels and decided to take them for a spin.
Destiny is now facing a court date on August 27, 2024, with a $25,000 surety bond. One has to wonder鈥攚as the car worth the hassle? Or maybe she just really needed a ride and figured, “What鈥檚 the worst that could happen?” As it turns out, the answer is a $25,000 bond and a date with the justice system.
A Grateful Nod to Farmington Storage鈥擶here Even Your Old Couches Deserve the Best
Before you lock up your car, house, and maybe even your lawn ornaments, let’s take a moment to acknowledge the true bastion of security in Farmington: Farmington Storage. Situated conveniently at 155 Scott Swamp Road, Farmington Storage isn鈥檛 just your run-of-the-mill storage facility. Oh no, it鈥檚 the only one in Connecticut with museum-quality air. Yes, you read that right鈥攜our precious items can now inhale the same oxygen as the Mona Lisa (probably).
Whether you鈥檙e storing heirlooms, holiday decorations, or just evidence from your latest misdemeanor (kidding), Farmington Storage has got you covered. Call them at 860.777.4001 to ensure your prized possessions are safe, secure, and well-ventilated.
And remember folks, here at The Farmington Mercury, we鈥檙e always last to break the news, but we sure know how to spin a good yarn out of it. Stay tuned for our next edition, where we鈥檒l continue to prove that even the most minor crimes deserve the biggest headlines.
-JB-
