Arrest Roundup: Farmington’s Weekly Crime Report (Brought to You by Farmington Storage, the Only Place in CT with Museum-Grade Air and Zero DUIs)
By Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury
Farmington saw another action-packed week of arrests, featuring shoplifting conspiracies, DUIs, and public disturbances—which, honestly, sounds like the makings of a terrible reality show. But before we dive in, let’s remember that all individuals are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.
That said… some of these decisions were, at best, uninspired.
🛍️ When Shoplifting Turns Into a Team Sport
Two Hartford residents Cristel Campbell (35) and Kimone Swabbs (28) were arrested on March 2 at 500 South Road—which, if you’re keeping score, is home to Burlington Coat Factory.
Both were charged with conspiracy to commit larceny in the sixth degree (fancy talk for “we got caught trying to steal”). Their shopping trip ended with $2,500 nonsurety bonds and a March 11 court date.
What did they attempt to swipe? Unclear. But given the charge, it probably wasn’t a Fabergé egg.
🚗 DUIs: Because Walking Is Overrated
Raymond Ortiz (41) – Go Big or Go to Jail
Ortiz, from Windsor, was arrested at 2:52 AM on March 2 for DUI and illegally carrying a firearm under the influence—a combination that screams “life choices need reevaluating.”
Released on a $2,500 nonsurety bond, he’s due in court on March 12.
Shadique Monroe (28) – Overachieving in the Wrong Direction
Monroe, of East Hartford, was arrested on March 1 at 2:51 AM for his second DUI and resisting arrest. Look, the first DUI was bad enough, but doubling down and making the officer work for it? Bold strategy.
He was handed a $10,000 surety bond and a March 11 court date.
Moral of the story? Uber costs less than bail.
🗣️ Disorderly Conduct: Making Poor Choices in Public
Nicholas Kruszniewski (22) – Loud & Proud
Kruszniewski, a Farmington resident, was arrested at 277 Main Street on March 1 at 10:10 PM for disorderly conduct.
A $5,000 nonsurety bond later, he’ll face a judge on March 3.
Kristin Stadelman (37) – Shopping & Shenanigans
Stadelman, of Torrington, was arrested at 500 South Road on February 28 for disorderly conduct. She was released on a $1,500 nonsurety bond and also had a March 3 court date.
Whether these cases involved yelling, bad dancing, or an overenthusiastic karaoke session remains unclear. But we salute the commitment to causing a scene.
🔒 SPONSORED MESSAGE: Farmington Storage – Where Your Belongings (and Regrets) Are Secure
Speaking of securing things, shoutout to Farmington Storage, the only storage facility in Connecticut featuring museum-grade air. That’s right—while your DUI record may stick with you, your grandma’s antique sofa will remain in pristine condition.
Got stuff you don’t want to be caught with? Need a place to store it that isn’t the trunk of a DUI-arrested vehicle? Call 860.777.4001 or visit them at 155 Scott Swamp Road.
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Jack Beckett
Farmington Mercury Senior Writer | Runs on coffee and the public’s questionable life choices
