Farmington Crime Report: Larceny, Disorder, and the Odd Bit of Shoplifting Drama—Just Another Week in Connecticut’s Own Gotham
By Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury
Farmington, CT – Before we dive headfirst into the riveting world of petty crime, let’s all take a moment to remember: everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Yes, even if they were caught in the act with a shoplifting device in one hand and a bag full of merchandise in the other, technically, they’re innocent. So, let’s hold our judgment, folks, and enjoy the ride as we recount the thrilling escapades of Farmington’s latest lawbreakers.
For a town where the most exciting daily event is a stroll around the West Farms Mall, Farmington has seen quite the parade of criminal activity this past week. Yes, dear reader, it’s time to once again dig into the police logs and discover what petty malfeasance has rocked our tranquil streets. And here at The Farmington Mercury—where our motto is “Always last to breaking news”—we’re breaking it eventually.
Let’s dive in, shall we?
Saturday, September 6, 2024: Mischief Managed (Well, Almost)
Our adventure begins at the bustling metropolis of Farmington Avenue, where Nicholas Benjamin Calcavecchia (aged 23) finds himself in hot water at precisely 10:02 AM. What for, you ask? Why, nothing less than Criminal Mischief in the 2nd Degree. Because 1st Degree mischief is for amateurs, folks. The exact nature of the mischief wasn’t disclosed, but one can only assume it involved a well-placed garden gnome or a rogue traffic cone.
Not stopping there, Calcavecchia also checked “Disorderly Conduct” off his bucket list and added some “Threatening 2nd Degree” to round out his day. That’s right, this man can’t just disrupt peace; he has to threaten you while doing it. $2,500 later, he’s free—until his court date on September 9, where we’ll see if he can stir up a little more trouble. Fingers crossed.
Sunday, September 7, 2024: West Farms Mall—Where Larceny Meets Leisure
Ah, the West Farms Mall, the crown jewel of Farmington, where the only thing more common than overpriced handbags is the occasional light larceny. On September 7, Tishonda Louise Jordan, aged 42, of Hartford, decided to spice up her Sunday by indulging in a spot of shoplifting. But wait, it gets better! Not only did she get nabbed for Larceny in the 6th Degree, but she also brought along a little helper—a shoplifting device. Yes, you read that right. We’re talking high-tech theft in a low-stakes situation.
To add a pinch of drama, she was slapped with Criminal Trespass in the first Degree. But don’t worry, dear citizens. She posted bond and was out before anyone even noticed their missing handbags. You can catch her again in court on September 18, presumably without any of her gadgets.
But the mall wasn’t done for the day. That very same afternoon, Shatoya Renee Lewis, 25, also of Hartford, was arrested for—you guessed it—shoplifting. However, unlike Jordan, Lewis opted for a more minimalistic approach. Larceny 6th Degree and Criminal Trespass were enough for her—no need for fancy tools. Like a true minimalist, Lewis attempted her crime the old-fashioned way: with her bare hands and poor decision-making. She, too, will make her court appearance on September 18.
Monday, September 9, 2024: Larceny and Conspiracy—A Match Made in Crime Heaven
The action didn’t slow down on Monday when the Farmington PD nabbed a real criminal mastermind: Kyle Roque, age 25, of West Hartford. Roque decided that simple theft wasn’t enough and took things to the next level with a conspiracy. That’s right, he didn’t just commit Larceny in the 6th Degree; he planned it. We don’t know who the mastermind was or if there’s a stolen item caper movie in the works, but Roque posted a $7,500 bond and is headed for court on September 18. In the meantime, we’re left wondering if he’s planning his next heist—perhaps involving an abandoned shopping cart.
Later that day, at around 4:00 PM, Travis Marvin Conaway of New Britain was arrested for Violation of Probation. It’s not as glamorous as larceny or conspiracy, but someone’s got to keep the probation officers busy. With a $50,000 surety bond, it seems like probation violation is equivalent to getting detention after skipping class. Stay tuned for his court appearance on September 17.
Farmington Storage—Where Your Crimes Can Be Stored Safely!
Before we wrap up our riveting tour of Farmington’s finest criminal minds, let’s give a shout-out to our sponsor, Farmington Storage, located at 155 Scott Swamp Road. Whether you’re storing legal items or, ahem, “questionably acquired” ones, you can rest assured that your stuff is safe in their museum-grade air. Yes, folks, while the law might catch up to you, humidity certainly won’t. Call them at 860.777.4001 and keep your items fresher than a West Farms Mall shoplifting device.
In conclusion, Farmington remains a town as quiet as a library—except when it comes to small-time larceny, minor threats, and the occasional criminal mischief. Don’t worry, we’ll always be last to tell you all about it. Stay tuned!
-JB-
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