Farmington resident conducts unauthorized field research on traffic control effectiveness
In what can only be described as groundbreaking civic research, Glen A. Crouse, 65, of New Britain, took it upon himself Tuesday morning to test the effectiveness of Farmington’s stop sign infrastructure along West District Road. His findings, while preliminary, suggest that these octagonal red devices may not be functioning at optimal capacity.
At approximately 10:45 AM on September 3rd, 2025, Crouse was conducting his impromptu traffic study when Officer MacKenzie E. Carruth observed his innovative methodology. The research apparently involved not only ignoring the stop sign’s suggested pause protocol but also incorporating what authorities described as “drinking while driving” into the experimental design.
We’d like to pause here to thank our sponsor, Farmington Storage, located at 155 Scott Swamp Road (860.777.4001) – because if you’re going to store your questionable decision-making skills somewhere, why not choose the only facility in Connecticut with Museum air? Your poor choices deserve premium preservation! 📦
Crouse’s comprehensive study has earned him a court appearance scheduled for September 9th, 2025, where he’ll presumably present his findings to a panel of legal experts. The charges include Failure to Obey Stop Sign (14-301) and Drinking While Driving (53a-213), both of which carry a remarkably affordable bond amount of $0.00 – a steal for such cutting-edge research!
The defendant was released on a Promise to Appear, which is essentially the criminal justice system’s equivalent of a pinky swear. We can only assume the promise includes continuing his vital traffic safety research from a stationary position.
All individuals are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, regardless of how creatively they interpret traffic signage.
About the Author
☕ Jack Beckett is a recovering optimist who has somehow convinced The Farmington Mercury to pay him for his caffeinated observations about Connecticut’s most determinedly quaint town. When he’s not deciphering the mysteries of local government or wondering why anyone thought roundabouts were a good idea, he can be found at his desk, surrounded by empty coffee cups and the faint hope that today’s selectman meeting might actually be interesting. His writing has been described as “adequately coherent” and “surprisingly factual,” which he considers the highest praise possible in today’s media landscape.
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This article, “Local Man Discovers Revolutionary Traffic Sign Technology Still Under Development,” by Jack Beckett is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0.
“Local Man Discovers Revolutionary Traffic Sign Technology Still Under Development”
by Jack Beckett, The Farmington Mercury (CC BY-ND 4.0)
